INS jokes
Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.
Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”
“Under my bench,” he replies.
Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.
In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.
The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.
The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.
I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.
Here are some rules to make a good joke:
1: Don't say “my life.”
2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.
3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).
Why do orphans live in an orphanage?
Answer: Because they are wanted there.
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."
When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.
When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.
If you're serious, congratulations on getting this far in life with absolutely no comprehension of reality.
If you had this kind of knowledge about driving a car, you'd be sitting 30 feet away from it, throwing pieces of pickles at a barn and shouting ‘shazam’ into an empty iPhone case, wondering why the car wasn't moving.
What does a kid with cancer and a house fly have in common?
A life expectancy of 15-25 days.
What's the difference between your mom in bed and Biden in the presidential race?
Your mom finishes.
I remember Grandpa's last words, "Oh, shit! It's in drive!"
How do pedophiles follow the law?
They drive it slow in the school zone.
Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."
Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good?
Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.
-- Jeffery Dahmer
What's the sharpest thing in the world?
A fart... it goes straight through your pants without leaving a hole.