INS jokes
Q: What do kidnappers and rapists have in common?
H: It's similar to shoes.
A: White Vans.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
What do a stool and an emo have in common?
They both sit still.
Two friends are in a hospital lobby. Friend 2 notices Friend 1 crying.
Friend 1: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 2: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 1: "I came here for a blood test."
Friend 2: "So? Are you afraid?"
Friend 1: "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger."
Friend 2: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 1: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 2: "I came here for a urine test."
"Sonic Says", "If you're ever bored and have nothing to do, then just punch an orphan in the face. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?"
Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?
Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.
*School Shooter Walks In*
That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.
There are three Mexicans in a car. Who's driving?
The cop!
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
When I look in your eyes, I always see something: my reflection. 😂
What do orphans and people eating oranges have in common? They both are eating balls.
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.
What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?
(Insulin)
Today my toilet paper ran across the road, but it got stuck in the crack.
What do Princess Diana and the Beatles have in common?
They both made quite an impact in Europe.
The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!
I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag.
OK, I'm joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"
The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.
What do birds and planes have in common?
They both fly into building windows.