INS jokes
A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive. Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one.
What is a terrorist's first move in chess?
C4.
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
What does a priest and Christmas tree have in common? The balls are just for decoration.
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?
He can’t walkie or talkie.
How does a rapper keep their money safe?
In a RAP VAULT.
Fight in the comments.
If Will Smith could be in any movie, he would be in "Find My Hairline."
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
"Demon Slayer" is yay, and who's your favorite in "Demon Slayer"?
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......
Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga
YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!
"Sigma" - By every boy in my class.
What did Tupac's homies smoke? His ashes.
It would've been too tacky to take a shot in his memory.
Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."
Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"
Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"
I'm reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen, I can FEEL it!