INS jokes
R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.
What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?
One didn't go in the closet.
Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.
I can't come in, because I'm too high.
The cemetery is so overcrowded.
People are just dying to get in.
Roses are red, violets are violet.
My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
What do you call a tamal that's in a bed?
Tamaleto.
People in plays say that everyone's life is a drama, but mine's a tragedy.
What's fun to search for in investigation?
The Milky Way!
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
Butt plug, oh butt plug, get out of me.
Butt plug, oh butt plug, get in my mouth, oh how I wanna taste you.
Oh, butt plug, oh butt plug, something is nutty.
I read to deaf kids in my spare time.
What do call six gay men going in a war?
Rainbow Six Siege.
My sister: See you at home in about an hour.
Me: Okay.
My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*
Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?
Sister: OMG, she's dead!
Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?
My girlfriend was cheating in Uno.
She's not the only one who can play that game.
Little Johnny's sister, Suzy, sees her mom in the shower and asks, "What is that between your legs?" Her mom responds, "That is my garage." The next day, Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, "What is that between your legs?" Her dad answers, "It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy's garage." The next day, Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, "Why is there blood all over your hands, Suzy?" Suzy says, "Well... little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage, so I ripped its wheels off."
When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.
Why are women like KFC? After you finish with the thigh and the breasts, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.