INS jokes
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
What would the world be like without women?
A pain in the ass.
What do an Apple and an Emo have in common?
They hang from trees.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?
I really hit the mother lode with you!
What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?
Because they’ll get stoned.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
Why are there no fat people in Japan?
Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.
How do you blind an Asian?
Put a windshield in front of them.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
Don’t you hate it when you are driving in a school zone and the speed bump starts screaming?
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.