INS jokes
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?
Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
Put Helen Keller in George Floyd's position. How would she cry out for help? Would she just moan, or would she try to do sign language?
When does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
What does cake and baseball have in common?
They both need a batter.
I wish the grass in my yard was emo. It could just cut itself.
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
Why was 10 traumatized?
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
What do Americans and stars have in common?
They both love shooting up.
What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?
They both like keeping one sock for themselves.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
A kid in the back of the class just yelled “Jenga!”
The class was watching a 9/11 documentary.
What do a gay man and a tumbleweed have in common?
They blow and blow until they wind up on a fence in Wyoming.
Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.