Injury jokes
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
What's worse than ten babies stapled to a tree?
A baby stapled to ten trees.
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
What's red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner?
Same baby, one week later.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
A ball hit me in the vagina.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
How do make an adult cry?
Stab him 10000 times until the floors are red with human blood.
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
What did the girl say when she ran through the door?
Ouch.
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
Confucius say, "Man who bite electric wire get shocking experience!"
There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.
One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.
One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.
The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"
Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."