Injury jokes
Why did Sally get a black eye? Because she decided to play football.
If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.
My pee pee fell off.
My wife was run over.
What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?
They're both crazy and now dead.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times? He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
My sister was at Sixth Street and someone stepped on her toes and she bled, so she called the police! XD
It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!
Friend: *hits head* Others: How many fingers am I holding up? Me to friend: How suicidal am I on a scale from one to ten? Friend: Ten Me: He's fine guys.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
What's worse than ten babies stapled to a tree?
A baby stapled to ten trees.
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
What happened when a cow jumps over a barbed wire fence? Complete and utter destruction.
My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.
He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.
A stone’s throw away, in fact.
What's red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner?
Same baby, one week later.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
Looks like someone's funny bone's broken!
A ball hit me in the vagina.