Im jokes
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.
I just stepped on a corn flake. I'm officially a cereal killer.
After I see an anime boy acting cool,
Me at school acting cool:
My brothers: "He's just acting cool."
Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0
My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.
this convo is crazy
I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.
Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today!
Bob Weir: Where are you going?
Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. 😯🦄🌈
I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.
I'm dead! 😂💀💀
Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
A man is walking into the woods with a young boy.
Boy: “Hey mister, it’s getting dark out and I’m scared.”
Man: “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
Father: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Doctor: I'm going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.
A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve food here."
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets. I’m
I'm not racist, my best friends are black for Halloween. :)
Why were the octopi sad?
Ugly 2d big tittied girls kept fucking him idk im a horny 14 year old.
Doctor Seuss break up lines:
"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."