Im jokes

A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"

"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."

I don't struggle with depression- like, at this point, I have it down. I'm good at depression.

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

I'm the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."

A little girl was sitting with some other kids. She thought to herself, "I want to have kids when I'm older, at least they’ll have a home, parents, and hopefully a dad that actually came back with the milk!" 🤣😂

What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?

They're both hanging from a tree.

So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

I’m just kidding.

I don't think I'm allergic to this.

If someone calls you dirty minded just say:

"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."

I'm in the year 1930...

The Great Depression.

I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻

What do you call an autistic person? Names.

I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.

The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.

"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.

"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.

I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.

I'll call it Downtown.

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

"I'm a little piss baby!" -Dream