Im jokes

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.

I'm in the year 1930...

The Great Depression.

Roses are red, I'm not a boaster.

Elon must've got rushed to the hospital after impregnating a toaster.

A photon is checking into a hotel.

The bellhop asks him, "Do you have any luggage?"

The photon replies, "Nope, I'm traveling light."

The doctor told me I'm color blind...

Me: That's out of the purple!

I'm actually against abortion.

Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!

I'm Tall.

If someone calls you dirty minded just say:

"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."

I don't think I'm allergic to this.

When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?

Next time I’m bringing all my friends.

I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine! Lol.

"I'm a little piss baby!" -Dream

What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.

I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.