Im jokes

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

I'm the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

Are you a tree? Cuz I’m trying to hang with you. ;)

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"

What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?

They're both hanging from a tree.

So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

I’m just kidding.

If someone calls you dirty minded just say:

"You are dirty minded as well if you understand what I'm saying."

I don't think I'm allergic to this.

I'm Tall.

I'm in the year 1930...

The Great Depression.

I don't struggle with depression- like, at this point, I have it down. I'm good at depression.

Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.

That’s about to become a rope around my neck.

I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻

I'm going to make a city just for people with special needs.

I'll call it Downtown.

What do you call an autistic person? Names.

I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.

The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.

"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.

"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.

Are you a walnut, because I'm about to nut all over your walls!

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

"I'm a little piss baby!" -Dream