Good Jokes

YupIAteYourCakeAllToMe

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."

Kitchen

Anonymous

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.

Onions was a good dog.

❤️ Tara ❤️

in Funny

Teacher:Kids what does a chicken give you

Students: Eggs

Teacher: Very good now what does the pig give you

Kids: Bacon

Teacher: Excellent now what does the fat cow give you

Kids: Homework

Erection

Anonymous

a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion

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jed beese

in Hill

Why do vegetarians give good head? Beause they’re used to eating nuts.

5

Zane

Rules of Dark humor: 1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits. 2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes. 3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that. I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site. - Sincerely, Zane

Anonymous

I was excited my teacher asked my for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.

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Stick

Anonymous

Why are blind people so good ad being a jedi? They are always swinging a stick

1

Puns

Anonymous

"How is your long distance relationship going?" -- "So far, so good."

1

Programming

Anonymous

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"

The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, "You can have anything you want.""

The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

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Depression

Anonymous

Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea

4

Yo mama

Anonymous

One time this kid came back from school and said "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said "Good news please.'' and the boy said "I got 100% on my math test today" and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said "Now to the bad news, I LIED"

Girlfriend

Anonymous

Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed. But she has to. She's his mom.

Adolf H.

Fortnite is like America... At one time it was good and free. Now it's neither.

lincoln busby

the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.

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Sadness

Anonymous

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friends pen, in the end he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chickens life

Animal

Anonymous

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? -- Because they are really good at it.

1

Hehe

2 friends are talking and the one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The Friend says, "I was in my car."

Little Johnny

Anonymous

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.

Lost

Anonymous

Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.

Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.

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