I hate these double standards.

if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re "doing a good job" if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”

“How is your long distance relationship going?” – “So far, so good.”

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.””

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying “i’m on my period.” the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she’s done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i’m good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.

Onions was a good dog.

I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie … no one could tell that it was their blood

Rules of Dark humor:

  1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
  2. No saying “Me” or “My Life” as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
  3. Don’t Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that. I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
  • Sincerely, Zane

Teacher:Kids what does a chicken give you

Students: Eggs

Teacher: Very good now what does the pig give you

Kids: Bacon

Teacher: Excellent now what does the fat cow give you

Kids: Homework

One time this kid came back from school and said “Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?” And his mom said "Good news please.’’ and the boy said “I got 100% on my math test today” and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said “Now to the bad news, I LIED”

Fortnite is like America… At one time it was good and free. Now it’s neither.

I was excited my teacher asked my for sex in exchange for a good grade, but then I realized I was homeschooled.

the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.

what does an apple and a lawyer have in common?

they both look good hanging from a tree

Why are orphans so good at tennis?

Because that’s the only love they get

Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees? – Because they are really good at it.

Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friends pen, in the end he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chickens life

Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.

Why do vegetarians give good head? Beause they’re used to eating nuts.

Why are blind people so good ad being a jedi? They are always swinging a stick

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