Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.
I'm serious, what's a "dad?"
Tonight I'm making a fort. I'm calling it Fortnite.
My friend is gay lol. I'm a spagetie fucc, lemme smash, Becky!
Hey, I'm not forcing you to learn the Force.
I'm really bored. Can someone talk with me? None of my friends are responding to me :(
Im jealous of cancer my dad beat me but never beat cancer.
If this is offensive to anyone, I'm sorry! Hey, wanna see something funny? Go look in your mirror!
I'm an orphan, please stop it. It's not nice and it made me cry.
I'm evilest-evil man.
"Yes, you are," scared guy.
No, me, it me: Evil super evil boy!
Mmm, I'm Walter McWhitey, I'm from the newest Mexico.
What did Little Johnny say to his dad?
Johnny: "Dad, please not again! I'm too young!"
I'm autistic.
why does my girlfriend have a dick oh wait im gay
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.
Mom, am I adopted?
What? No. "In head" No, dah, bitch.
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
I'm great!! I'm good. I'm doing good hahaha. I mean "well" haha! Haha I'm doing well, not good! Haha I'm not doing good! I'm not doing so good.
Mickey: I want a divorce!
Minney: Are you fricking crazy?
Mickey: No, I'm fricking Daisy!
