Im jokes
I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.
I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."
What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?
Panera Ned.
I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!
Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.
Sometimes when I'm sad, I remember I have a big dick.
Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.
Friend: Why?
Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.
Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"
No one wants him, not even the bees.
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
"Hi, I’m Dan White’s dad. Where is he?"
I'm sorry, but your dad left for milk.
What do you call a fake noodle?
An im-pasta.
Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"
Guys, I'm back...
Here's my joke:
What is blue and red all over?
Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.
Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."
What did the pickle do on the road?
It said, "I'm Pickle Rick!"
I'm a human. Syke, I'm Pickle Rick!
What did the traffic light say to the other?
🚦🚥🚦 Stop looking, I'm changing!
Mom: Let's have an adoption party!
Kid: *cries*
Mom: What's wrong?
Kid: I'M ADOPTED????
Did you know that..
Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.
Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.