Im jokes

A riddle: My enemy is the Joker, I'm black and I help to save Gotham City. Who am I?

Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"

Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."

What's the difference between a dead hooker and an onion?

I don't cry when I'm cutting up a dead hooker.

Depressed caller: "I'm done with everything!"

Responder: "Please hang on!"

What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?

One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"

The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."

Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

Man's friend: Same.

Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

Man: Oh great heavens!

I identify as the Titanic, because I'm a wreck.

The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.

I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.

I just cut everyone.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

What did the Titanic say as it sank?

I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.

I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.

People of Earth: *running and screaming*

Santen: *to God* Really?

Hello ppls, I'm lilkitten ig.

After I see an anime boy acting cool,

Me at school acting cool:

My brothers: "He's just acting cool."

Me: I'm gonna kill u 0.0

Is there a racist jokes page here? I’m not racist, I just want to know.

I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.

I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”