Im jokes
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question can go home."
A boy throws his bag out the window.
The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"
The boy says, "Me! I’m going home now."
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
The QUEEN is JACK! KING off the JOKER!
I know what you're thinking, pervert. Actually, the joke's about a jester in drag. OK, I’m joking, the Queen cheated on the King with the Jester.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who?
Who who, I'm an owl.
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”
The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”
Who are voting for this election? I'm voting for Tricity, so vote for Tricity. Electricity!
I work at a tire shop.
I'm pretty tired.
I have a joke about construction.
I'm still working on it.
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
To spite Santa and Greta Thunberg, I'm burning the coal I got for Christmas.
Yo mama's so poor that when I was walking down the street, I saw her kicking the trash can, and I asked, "What are you doing?" She said, "I'm moving!"
Is there a racist jokes page here? I’m not racist, I just want to know.
I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.
I just cut everyone.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
"I work with animals," a guy says to his date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he replies.
The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.
Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."