If jokes

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

Like it if you judge people's hairlines.

A teacher asks a boy in her class, "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with, "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think."

Later, the boy asks the teacher, "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking it." The boy says, "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?

A man walks into a bar. He takes a seat and asks the barman if he wanted to hear a blonde joke. The barman replies, "Before you tell this joke, I want to tell you something. See the woman over there? She is a black belt in karate, she's blonde. See the bouncer over there? He is also a blonde. See the chick over there with that pool cue? She is also blonde. Also, I have a shotgun behind the bar. I'm blonde. So do you still want to tell your joke?" He replies, "F**k that. I ain't explaining the joke 4 times."

Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.

Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.

If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.

if you ask an artist how to commit suicide, they will say a very creative way

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.

Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.

So, I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said, "Yes ma'am." She said, "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said, "Okay, thanks bitch."

What's the difference between your girlfriend and sister? Nothing if you're from Alabama.

If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run"?

If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?

My friends: Ugh, why are you so lazy and no fun?

My parents: Why can't you be like your siblings?

My teacher: I don't care if you're depressed, focus on your study!

The songs: We understand you :)

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?

The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.

if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.