If jokes

Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."

How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

If depression is going to be my girlfriend, will she leave me?

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.

What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

Little Johnny was playing with his train and said, "All you motherf*ckers who want to get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who want to get on, get on." His mother hears him and asks, "Is that you cussing?" The mother said, "Go to your room for 1 hour." Little Johnny goes to his room, then comes back one hour later and said, "All you motherf*ckers who wanna get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who wanna get on, get on, and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay, go ask the b*tch in the kitchen."

Hey guys, I’m back, just wondering if anyone is still on this that wants me to make more.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.

Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.

If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.

Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.

Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad?

Liam: I like you both.

Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go?

Liam: I will go to paris.

Mother: That's means you like dad more.

Liam: No, its because i like paris.

Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go?

Liam: I will go to America.

Mother: Why?

Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.

If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.

Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.

A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.

Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"

Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.