If jokes

Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."

How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

What's it called if you give a kid in a wheelchair a ball? Rocket League.

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

If depression is going to be my girlfriend, will she leave me?

Little Johnny was playing with his train and said, "All you motherf*ckers who want to get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who want to get on, get on." His mother hears him and asks, "Is that you cussing?" The mother said, "Go to your room for 1 hour." Little Johnny goes to his room, then comes back one hour later and said, "All you motherf*ckers who wanna get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who wanna get on, get on, and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay, go ask the b*tch in the kitchen."

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.

I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to join my family tree... She dropped the rope and ran.

Hey guys, I’m back, just wondering if anyone is still on this that wants me to make more.

You can't be a loser if you have nothing to lose.

Girls are like math; if they're under ten, then you use your fingers.

If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?

If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.

Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.

Then the antidote becomes the most important.

I wasn’t staring, I was just trying to figure out if that was your hairline or the Great Wall of China.