If jokes
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
Grass is green. I am the queen. If only I can see you scream on the screen.
Things that rhyme with green, queen, screen: clean, between, been, ...
What would Earth say if it had a boyfriend?
You need to com-it.
To anyone who wants to be my friend:
Hello.
Does anyone wanna be my friend? Please if ya' do reply to my: "Hello." In the chat. Tysm. Have a greaat day!
Alex <3
There were 3 Gay Fish in a Tank. One says to the others: "How do you drive this thing?"
Like this joke if you LOLed! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Life’s not a game... but if it was, some people would still be stuck on the tutorial.
These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.
Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.
I asked a girl I met if I could take her out to dinner.
The joke is I knew right after she said, "I'll call you," she was lying to me, not surprised even a little.
The next joke was a part of me hoped she would call, but did I really think she was going to? I'll never be good enough for anyone, what was I thinking, why did I even bother to ask her in the first place? I think it was just to prove I was right, I'm unwanted.
LONELINESS EQUALS SADNESS.
If someone wears black, say, "If you see someone wears black, they always be emo."
If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
I'm not saying you're annoying.
But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.
If I adopt a child, is it mine?
🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯😳
If you bully a kid, bully an orphan.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
This is two heads.
Deaf. "Deep water." ""
- "78 years."
Are you interested again? ""
"If you go ... you are there."
"No. 85 is good."
What is the most important value? It does not take cheese.
If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.
What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?
Answer: A promise.
Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”
Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”
Boy: “Yeah, why?”
Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”
Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Knock knock who? I'll knock knock you out if you don't stop.
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?