If jokes

What would the main character from Martin Scorsese's Taxi Driver be named if he was a Mexican?

Travis Spick-le.

I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.

Hi guys, I am starting a Gwen funny club. If you wanna join, then just type so here. Hope you have fun!

Oh, and also can be a Gwen name club for Gwens only!

If I was a poo, I’d be the one that gets stuck to the bottom of the shitter when no one wants ya xox.

Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.

What would you do if you see a guy suffocating from the heat? I would call and dial 911, holy shit!

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.

God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!

What do you get if you do not eat? Dry.

If the shoe doesn't fit, there's no evidence.

I may not be your cup of tea, but I am definitely your 10th shot of tequila.

I'd make a 9/11 joke, but it wouldn't fly anymore.

And if I tried it, it would probably crash and burn.

It just wouldn't help my comedy career take off.

Some rules of childhood cricket:

1. Whose bat, his batting.

2. Mother called to go while fielding. Then the turn will not be missed.

3. If the Umpire's decision is not acceptable, the decision of the Spectator, Front Uncle, or Neighbor Aunt shall be final.

I saw a kid sitting on the side and asked if he was an orphan, “what gave me away?” “Well, your parents, for a start.”

"How would you describe a really bad skeleton?"

"Bad to the bone!" (Or "Rotten to the bone" if you want.)

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

If you are fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

Why don’t autistic people like Autism Speaks?

They’re jealous that autism can speak.

(This is not meant to be triggering, sorry if it is).