If jokes

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

"It's not a war crime if you win the war."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

If I die, does my depression die with me?

Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?

Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone.

Son: Okay, I'll do it!

5 hours later...

Son: I'm done!

Dad: I lied.

Son: So did I!

What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?

You die of laughter.

Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.

Oh . . .

:(

Continue.

If a fat person were to go on a flying car, it will just be at the ground. When they exit, it will just fly up.

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.

If I grew a nanometer taller for every 2/10 woman expecting a 6’3”+ guy, I would be considered attractive.💀

If a lion ate a child, is the lion a child predator?

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.

I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

You can't lose Kahoot if you "kashoot" the class first.

Every kid in a classroom is relevant, because if one of them gets shot, they will all be featured on the news.

You can't call yourself a baby boomer if you have never detonated an infant.

How can you tell a Pokémon likes baseball?

Every night he turns into a Golbat.