If jokes

Guys, comment below if I should do a name reveal!

If you read this, you lost your v card.

If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.

"G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"

Hey, you person who's scrolling, please leave your HONEST opinion on life. Do you think "life sucks" or "eh, it's okay," etc.? It can be short; if you don't want to, then that's okay.

If I could make someone tell me their last words, they'd say, "Make me."

What do you get if you eat sugar?

High.

One day, Jim saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. He asked if he was an orphan.

The kid said, “Yeah, what gave me away?”

Jim said, “I don’t see any parents.”

Why didn't the orphan go to the orphanage?

He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.

If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.

If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.

What do orgasms and pulses have in common?

I don’t care if they have either of them.

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

What did the Twin Towers say to each other?

Sorry if that offended anyone.

“I guess we are going down together!”

If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

What if Game of Thrones and Harry Potter antagonism had a child?

Coldemort!

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

If an Indian had powers, it would be throwing tika masala.

What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.