If jokes

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.

If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.

If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.

What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?

You die of laughter.

Your forehead's so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.

If I grew a nanometer taller for every 2/10 woman expecting a 6’3”+ guy, I would be considered attractive.💀

If a lion ate a child, is the lion a child predator?

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.

If an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.

If lint comes from pockets, where does a cockroach come from?

If a kid doesn't take their nap, doesn't that mean they are resisting arrest?

A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."

If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.

Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?

Dude, if there is a watermelon, shouldn't there be an earthmelon, airmelon, and a firemelon? The elemelons.

If I was an object in this world, I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.

I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"