If jokes
If you think I would joke about Alzheimer's, forget it.
How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
Why didn't the orphan go to the orphanage?
He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.
If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)
Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...
Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?
From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.
What if Game of Thrones and Harry Potter antagonism had a child?
Coldemort!
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
What did the Twin Towers say to each other?
Sorry if that offended anyone.
“I guess we are going down together!”
I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.
If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.
If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.
What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?
"Want to see if it fits?"
My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:
roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.
He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
What’s the difference between weed and pussy?
If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
You can't lose Kahoot if you "kashoot" the class first.
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."