If jokes
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
What did the Twin Towers say to each other?
Sorry if that offended anyone.
“I guess we are going down together!”
If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?
Why didn't the orphan go to the orphanage?
He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.
One day, Jim saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. He asked if he was an orphan.
The kid said, “Yeah, what gave me away?”
Jim said, “I don’t see any parents.”
Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...
Where can a gay male that is abled bodied find the location of a glory hole if he is looking for a free and anonymous blowjob from another gay male?
From a physically disabled gay male who is either at the gym 💪 💪 🏋️♂️ or at the rest area ♿️ 🚹 🚽.
If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)
What if Game of Thrones and Harry Potter antagonism had a child?
Coldemort!
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Half of it. 🐛
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
If you think I would joke about Alzheimer's, forget it.
How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?
I wonder if any of these people are still alive.
Anyways,
When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.