If jokes

How can you tell if your husband is dead?

The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.

If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?

What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?

If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.

You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!

What happens if a cookie turns emo?

It becomes a cookie cutter.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna think we're nuts.

If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?

How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?

Stick a chicken wing up there.

Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.

I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.

If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.

If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?

If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.

Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.

They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.

It's a shame Iran doesn't know how to restrain Israel. If only they had Hitler's expertise.

Now he really would be THE FINAL SOLUTION!

If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:

So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.

Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!