If jokes
One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!
It’s not cheating if you’re all siblings.
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?
The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.
I replied, "No. Is that still required?"
If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all I need.
Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business.
If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?
A swallow.
What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? “If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.”
How can you tell if your husband is dead?
The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.
You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don't get some support soon, people are gonna think we're nuts.
If a Jewish kid has ADHD, do they get sent to a concentration camp?
How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?
Stick a chicken wing up there.
Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.
I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.
If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.
If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?
If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.
Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.