If jokes

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.

They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.

It's a shame Iran doesn't know how to restrain Israel. If only they had Hitler's expertise.

Now he really would be THE FINAL SOLUTION!

If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:

So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.

Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!

In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.

Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.

A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.

A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

Prostitution. The only job that pays more if you suck.

Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.

I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?

A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.

If Donald Trump gets any worse, they'll have to replace Air Force One with a short bus.

If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?

If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?

I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.

He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!

It's not rape if you say "April Fools!"

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?