Hygiene jokes
Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.
A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."
He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."
He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."
He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"
With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.
You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
If there is a hair, the meat is ruined.
Your momma's so nasty, she sucked your daddy's dick and kissed you good night!
Everyone is talking about Head and Shoulders, and that if he never had a shower, his batteries would have got wet.
What happened to the cheetah that took too many baths?
The cheetah became spotless!
Yo momma's armpits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.
Ahh, the coronavirus!
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To get to the bottom.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So you can tell them apart from the feminists.
You're so poor you stink like poo-poo in your doo-doo.
Why does an orphan go to a sewer?
So it can wash up.
Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?
Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.
You're so skinny you use floss to wipe your butt.
What did the pot say to the kettle?
"To lick the s*** spoon."
What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?
People don't eat their broccoli.
How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.