Hygiene jokes
PERSON: I need to go so bad! TOILET: Long time no pee!!!
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?
You got off clean.
Where did Tigger go looking for Pooh?
In the toilet! 🚽 💩 💩 💩
Tork Poettschke says to Charles Bukowski: "You have beautiful teeth! Are they also available in white?"
When a hedgehog finds poop, they put it in their mouths. They mix it with saliva until it's a foam, then rub it on themselves.
Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"
Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?
Me: 'Cause God made you.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!
The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.
My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.
I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D
What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?
One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.
You're so poor you stink like poo-poo in your doo-doo.
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
Ex-girlfriend: "I can smell fish."
Ex-boyfriend: "I can smell shit."
Ex-boyfriend: "Well, how many boys swam down there?"
Ex-girlfriend: "20!"
Fish: "It wasn't me. I don't swim around mistakes."
What did the kid say to the toilet?
"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"
Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.
Knock it out, you poo-a-loo, go get your loo.
What is brown and smelly? Is it a fart? Is it a carcass? Wrong, it's a dirty toilet.
I’m literally scratching my itchy balls right now.