Hygiene jokes
Are you wearing a diaper? Because your butt looks so saggy.
The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!
Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?
What was Stephen Hawking's shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
Yo momma so skinny, she wipes with floss!
Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.
When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
Your mama's breath smells so bad, people can't wait for her to fart.
You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”
Yo mama's so fat, when she wants to take a bath, they need to make more H2O.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple!
Toothbrush: I think I have the worst job ever.
Toilet paper: Ya, right.
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.
The other day all those toilet papers came by my house and asked do I have any crack candy. Naw, I don't have no damn crack candy or no crack apples. All I have here in the backyard is a peanut butter crack sandwich. Help yourself, and while you're at it, clean up all the damn doggie dodo that's everywhere. Thank you, Mr. Toilet Papers.
A girl and a boy were on a date. The boy kept farting. The girl asked, "What is wrong?!?". The boy replied, "Explosive diarrhea.". The girl said, "Ew".
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. The center of the explosion, the bathroom.