Hygiene jokes
When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.
You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.
But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
Keep the planet clean. It's not Uranus.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Your ass is clean because Randy won’t stop liking [it].
Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?
His name is Vladimir Pootin.
Fraser smells.
You should always wash your sex toys. That’s why priests invented baptism.
Where did Tigger go looking for Pooh?
In the toilet! 🚽 💩 💩 💩
Tork Poettschke says to Charles Bukowski: "You have beautiful teeth! Are they also available in white?"
Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"
Sister: Why does shampoo have directions?
Me: 'Cause God made you.
What do girls and toilet roll have in common?
They both deal with a lot of crap.
You're so poor you stink like poo-poo in your doo-doo.
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it was stuck in a crack.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
Today my toilet paper ran across the road, but it got stuck in the crack.
Would you rather have a menstrual period with horrible cramps for 200 days straight (including men)?
Or eat 10 lbs of dog s**t every day for 100 days?
What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?
One’s finger-licking good and the other is just a fast food restaurant.
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.