Hygiene jokes

Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?

- No more tears.

Have you ever tried anal bleaching?

It really helps assholes lighten up.

When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.

What did the poop say to the toilet paper? “You’re on a roll!”

The pirate looked down the toilet, and what did he see?

The captain's log.

Yo momma so skinny, she wipes with floss!

Hi guys, the prankster is back!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!

Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!

Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?

A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.

You should always wash your sex toys. That’s why priests invented baptism.

Your hair is receding more than people do when they smell you.

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?

Because this teen just started her period!

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.

Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.

What goes in hard and comes out soft? A toothbrush.

You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.

What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?

It's a motherfucking shitshow party!

Roses are red, violets are blue, Your ass is clean because Randy won’t stop liking [it].

Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?

A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!