My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
"Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way."
"Dr. Squatch will heal the itch, and know it goes away, hey!"
If you get out of the shower clean, how does your towel get dirty?
How do you recycle a condom? Turn it inside out and shake the f *ck out of it!
A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?
B: I don't know.
A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...
B: ...
This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.
Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?
So he could make a clean getaway!
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?
Because this teen just started her period!
Why did oozy go to the toilet to eat trains?
Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.
What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?
It's a motherfucking shitshow party!
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Your ass is clean because Randy won’t stop liking [it].
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
