Hygiene jokes
"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"
What time do babies get dirty?
Playtime.
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
What vibrates and is 6 inches?
A toothbrush.
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He wiped his ass.
How does a blind person wipe their ass?
With braille toilet paper.
What's the difference between a sidewalk, a drug dealer, and a prostitute?
A: A sidewalk's crack doesn't leave an odor!
Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.
Why did the toilet paper not make it across the road?
Because it got stuck in the crack.
Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
To wipe the chicken's ass!
Have you ever tried anal bleaching?
It really helps assholes lighten up.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple!
When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.
Roses are red, violets are blue, feminist pussy stinks, and yours does too.
The pirate looked down the toilet, and what did he see?
The captain's log.
Hi guys, the prankster is back!
I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...
When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!
Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
Throw in some laundry...