Hygiene jokes

"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"

What vibrates and is 6 inches?

A toothbrush.

Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.

Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

His name is Vladimir Pootin.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

He wiped his ass.

Shrek once went to the movies and when he sat down he felt this slimy and sticky feeling on the chair, so he stood up and complained about his chair being dirty... until he realized that he forgot to wipe earlier... so he stopped complaining and went back to his chair and sat back down.

Why did the toilet paper not make it across the road?

Because it got stuck in the crack.

Women are like rolls of toilet paper. They are either really cheap or expensive, you use them a lot, and they deal with a lot of sh*t.

Why did the toilet paper cross the road?

To wipe the chicken's ass!

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm in your apple!

Have you ever tried anal bleaching?

It really helps assholes lighten up.

When your girl is sucking your dick and chokes on it, not because it’s big but because you haven’t washed it in weeks.

Roses are red, violets are blue, feminist pussy stinks, and yours does too.

The pirate looked down the toilet, and what did he see?

The captain's log.

Hi guys, the prankster is back!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!

Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!

Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?

A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.

I saw my sisters masturbating with cucumbers and hotdogs.

I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like hotdogs and cucumbers!"

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?

Throw in some laundry...

How do blind people know when to stop wiping?

With a taste test.

What does the word circumcise mean?

Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.