A: What's the difference between a toilet and a washing basin?
B: I don't know.
A: Then I guess your house looks beautiful...
B: ...
This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.
Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?
So he could make a clean getaway!
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?
Because this teen just started her period!
What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?
It's a motherfucking shitshow party!
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Your ass is clean because Randy won’t stop liking [it].
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?
They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
What happened to the cheetah that took too many baths?
The cheetah became spotless!
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
So uh I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste and uh, he is constipated now I AM EVIL :3
WHY DO FORTNITE PLAYERS HAVE SUCH GOOD TEETH
BECAUSE THEY LIKE TO FLOSS
You should always wash your sex toys, thats why priests baptise babies
When your at school and you have to wipe your ass but it only one ply... Your finger breaks through... mmm Finger lickin good
