Hygiene jokes
How can you tell a woman's pussy is good?
You smell her fingers.
A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."
He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."
He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."
He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"
How can a pimp save money in buying condoms for his stable?
Answer: Have his hoes wash and rinse them after every use.
What vibrates and is 6 inches?
A toothbrush.
You're the type of person to wash your hands after a shower.
Roses are red, I need a broom, I just shit all over the bathroom.
Adam and Eve were sitting on the beach one day, and Eve says to Adam, "Let's go for a swim." Adam replies, "I'm not in the mood."
She says, "Okay, I will go by myself." She puts her toes in the water and splashes around and says, "The water is beautiful, come in!" Adam replies, "Na, still not in the mood."
Eve wades into the water until she gets to her waist. Adam jumps up and yells at Eve standing waist deep and says, "Oh no, now all the fish are gonna smell like that!"
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
What did the kid say to the toilet?
"Did you order a number two because I got one ready for you?"
What do butts say?
"Help me, I'm getting wiped clean!"
What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?
A toothbrush.
I wanted to make a joke about dandruff.
People are still scratching their heads over it.
What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?
It's a motherfucking shitshow party!
Why couldn't the toilet paper roll down the road?
Q: What do you call a nun in a pool? A: A bath bomb.
My sister just sits on the toilet with her iPad, then I go to do something at the sink and she says, "Bella, give me toilet paper!" Then I am annoyed, like super annoyed.
When the people that see you cry, that doesn't mean they miss you. That mean they scared of your onion breath! 🐑💨
Ex-girlfriend: “I can smell fish.”
Ex-boyfriend: “I can smell sh*t.”
Ex-boyfriend: “Well, how many boys swam down there?”
Ex-girlfriend: “20!”
Fish: “Wasn’t me, I don’t swim around mistakes.”
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.
When Sara gets naked in the shower, she turns her taps on :)