A lady walks in to a dentists office, sits on the counter and spreads her legs. The dentist says i think you have the wrong idea with that the lady replies; last week you gave my husband his false teeth now you can get them out
Woman- What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich
Husband- I know! How about you COMEBACK with a godda*n sandwich?
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night she’s back in bed
my wife said i had no sense of direction.... so i packed my sh*t and right
My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked
Top tip; if your wife asks "what would you like to do to my body?" 'identify it' is the wrong answer
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
its only ok to beat up an dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say your hair smells nice
My best friend ran away with my wife I really miss him
i went to see my dentist and she warned me it was going to hurt. then she told me she was having an affair with my husband. good news though...the cleaning didnt hurt.
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage
So you start singing it’s the best day ever
Husband: “Honey, what’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erect*on?” Wife: “ok... what is it?” Husband: “I don’t have a Ferrari right now”.
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still cant cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still cant f*ck."
A man comes home and the wife says 'My ex just died by getting hit by a bus' and the husband said 'I lost my job as a bus driver'
my grandma told me i was next at my brothers wedding so i told her she was next at her husband's funeral
My wife told me to treat her like a princess so i got drunk and drove through the tunnel
Husband: Hay honey words can’t describe how beautiful you are. Wife: aww thanks Husband:But numbers can 0 out of 10
Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife? Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.
Mom: can I tell you a joke Kid: sure Mom: Knock Knock Kid: Who there Mom: Not yo Kid: Not Yo Who Mom: Not Yo Father Kid: Not Yo Husband Either
“I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years.” “Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!” “No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him.”
