My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
Husband: I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
like if you have a boyfriend girlfriend or husband or wife or a crush.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.
Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he's too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.
Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?
Because of his short cummings.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. -- I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
At the resturant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "Cuz she clearly has no taste." She responded.
A husband comes home from work one day and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
A wife was cleaning 12-year-old son’s bedroom When she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags, she asked her husband, “what do we do?” The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"
Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"
"Our wedding video
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read "Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now" The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying "Sorry meant using your wifi"
A mother and son were in the backyard and the son finished building a shed. The mother says "You're the best husband ever"
A wife says to her husband 'you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back' 'what do you expect' he says 'you're in a fucking wheelchair'
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
What do you do when your dish washer stops working
Hit your wife harder
My wife called me a pedo that's a big word for a 6 year old
