Husband memes

Once upon a time, there was a woman named Sarah who woke up one morning to find her husband and his wheelchair missing. She searched high and low, but they were nowhere to be found. Desperate to find them, she put up posters all over town offering a reward.

A yellow sign with black stripes. It says "Attention" at the top, followed by "Husband and wheelchair missing!" and "Reward for wheelchair". At the bottom there is small print "follow me on Instagram for more @goingonectwicesold".

Wife

2 years ago

An older couple standing close together, with the wife's arm around her husband. The text above says "Me as a wife annoying my husband until the end of time." The URL boredpanda.com is at the bottom right of the image.

Card

1 year ago

A text message exchange shows a request to buy a card because a coworker's husband was deported. The image below the message shows a greeting card that says "Adios!" with an image of a chihuahua wearing a sombrero. The second text message below the card says "what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Mode

10 months ago

A screenshot of a post that asks, "How do I stop my husband from going "goblin mode" during sex?? My husband says "goblin mode activated" when we start to have sex, growls, and acts like a caveman, and then says "goblin mode off" when we stop, and then pretends to not know what I'm talking about when I ask him about it."

Weed

1 year ago

A screenshot of a tumblr post showing three separate comments. The first post says "Learned today that my ex-husband buys his weed from a lesbian dominatrix that banned him from DJing at her sex club because he kept playing his version of 'Lean on Me' made entirely of samples of Homer saying 'd'oh'." The second comment says "AMAZING". The third comment says "Every word in that sentence is better than the last".

Plate

2 years ago

Kermit the Frog is sitting at a table with a cup. The text on the image reads: "Isn't that your 3rd plate?" Me: Isn't that your 3rd husband?

Victim

1 year ago

The image is split into two sections. The top section shows Hillary Clinton with text that reads "Women have always been the primary victims of war. Women lose their husbands, their fathers, their sons in combat. - Hillary Clinton". The bottom section shows a man looking sad with text that reads "MEN HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THE PRIMARY VICTIMS OF RAPE. IT HAPPENS TO THEIR WIVES, THEIR MOTHERS, AND THEIR DAUGHTERS."

Plant

2 months ago

A four-panel comic. In the first panel, a woman with a green bow in her hair waters a basil plant with a red watering can. In the second, she looks sad while watering an empty pot labeled "Thyme", next to other pots labeled "Rosemary" and "Nirnroot". In the third panel, she asks a man, "Honey, why isn't my Thyme growing?" He replies, "Be patient. Give it some Thyme." In the fourth panel, the woman is in a hospital bed with an IV drip. A bear-like doctor shows her an X-ray of a human chest, with a bone clearly labeled "Thymus". The comic is attributed to Enzo Comics and CUEK.CO.

Jokes

Poison

7 years ago

Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”

“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

Wheelchair

7 years ago

Ever since I needed a wheelchair, my husband has been so rude. He’s been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

Sexual Relationship

9 years ago

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

Husband jokes