I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes
He hugged me!
my husband is mad that i have no sense of direction. so i packed up my stuff and right.
My wife (or husband) told me to get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store. I had just realized when I got home that I had picked 7-up
A married woman asked her husband if he saw future then the husband answered her " I have no Eye dear"
my wife and I have decided that we do not want children. If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
My wife is pregnant but when we get to doctors something happened..........
What happened?
A:the husband is pregnant too with someone else’s baby not the wife’s baby but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain. The email reads: „Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here“.
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride she says BOO! What kind of a dick fuck does that!
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
Husband: Honey, Do you want sex? Whife: No thanks i have a headache. Husband: Is that your final answer? Whife: Mmmmm. Husband: Are you shure? -Whife Yes Husband: No doubts? Whife: No Husband starring a long time at his whife. Husband: Okey, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend. -
Husband: Dammit alice! I'm your husband and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you! Wife: Go to hell Bob! I'm Leaving! Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
2 women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement. Emma turns to Jane and says "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"r> Emma replies with "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
A woman walks in to a dentists office sits on the counter and spreads her legs. The dentist says i think you have the wrong idea with that the woman replies last week you gave my husband his false teeth now you can get them out.
The other day my wife said "take me someplace I have never been before, I said why don't you try the kitchen! "
I like my bread how I like my wife: cold and stiff
My wife left a note on the fridge, the note read "It's not working" I don't know what she's talking about, I opened the fridge and it worked fine!
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse but I beat her to it
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort"...
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7Up.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh how did I survive. Fortunately being her husband I was the 1 person she wasn't fucking.
