wife: stop telling rape jokes, its not funny. husband: who raped you this morning?
My wife said she would slam my head into my keyboard if I did not get off video games.But don't worry I think she was just jokinfkuy angvhkjah gkahnvulaunhuaivnhaviuhgfahnvulpu82y5
One day when I driving around our children's school with my wife she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did we hear a loud, long scream.
Why did Mrs. Henderson get a divorce from her husband Harry? She was tired of everyone calling the family "Hairy" and the Henderson's
A wife asks her husband: am I pretty or ugly? The husband awnsers her: pretty. The wife responds: thank yo- The husband interrupts her: PRETTY UGLY!
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again. Husband: Wait dear.. Don’t do it for the sake of our kid! Wife: Kid? Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
So one day i have a wife but if its getting a longer day she is moving so weird and i see she has sex with rick astley😂 [rickrolled]
Husband and wife get into a fight wife says “go blow off some steam I’ll let you fuck a hooker” so he does that comes back and says “I’m off the hook now”
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
What’s the best Marvel villain song EVER?........ It Was Agatha All Along!!! *gasp* And I killed Sparky too. *laughs manically*
Girl playing outside: step on a line and you break your mommy's spine She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming
Girl playing outside :step on a crack and you break daddy's back She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming
The husband starts celebrating gets in the car and starts to drive away
The son comes outside and steps on a crack
The dad then dies in a car crash
I always say im single, which annoys my wife.
who did yo mama marry.
JOE-MAMA.
An old man saw the TikTok trend of people throwing it back the old man wanted to do it with his wife the man set up everything needed a did the video I threw it back first then his wife bust instead of an old lady it was ashes
What is 6" long, bright red and your wife cries when you feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal". The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan". Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
Wife:hi babe Husband:Hey Wife:Do u wanna Husband:YES Wife:Ok make sure you have a towel to go to the beach Husband:WHAT you mean go to the beach Wife:yes what did u think i ment Husband:oh nothing bye Wife:Bye see u there
have you ever heard of Jane Doe? well, her husband's name is Dill, so I guess that makes him a dildo!!!
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him ... everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing ... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market ... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
I said to my wife that she's that ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back
