Humor

Can February march? -- No, but April may.

Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?

A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

Suicide squad.

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jill's real name is Randy.

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?

While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

The joke above me sucks.

What is the pedophile's favorite shoe?

White vans.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.

Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.

The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet. The student recited the alphabet: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz". "Where's the p?" He looked down to the floor and said: "it's running down my legs".

Real quick, I'm autistic, and if anyone asks, I absolutely love some of these jokes. XD I found this while doing some research for a paper.

So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.

Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.