Humor

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone-appetit!

Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.

Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.

I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"

How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?

The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!

Confucius say:

"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."

My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."

I shot her, now we wait.

What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.

what do you call a terrorist attack in india?

a wednesday.

Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?

Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.

Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"

Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?

A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

Suicide squad.

Can February march? -- No, but April may.

If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jill's real name is Randy.