If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Humor
So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."
The joke above me sucks.
What is the pedophile's favorite shoe?
White vans.
The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet. The student recited the alphabet: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz". "Where's the p?" He looked down to the floor and said: "it's running down my legs".
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate.
Ran out of toilet paper, so had to start using lettuce leaves... today was the tip of the iceberg.
Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
Teacher: What does a pig give you?
Little Johnny: Bacon.
Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?
Little Johnny: Wool.
Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?
Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".
Where did Sarah go after the bombing?
Everywhere. 💀
Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"
Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."
Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."
Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."
What do you call a blind German?
A not see.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?
Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
What is a Mexican’s favorite band?
Twenty Juan Pilots.
