Humor

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

Where did Sarah go after the bombing?

Everywhere. 💀

What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?

Quatro Sinco.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone-appetit!

Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.

Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.

I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"

If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.

What’s the German word for BRA? Keep two from floppin'.

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

Confucius say:

"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."

What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?

The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!

My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."

I shot her, now we wait.

Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"

what do you call a terrorist attack in india?

a wednesday.

Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?

Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.

In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?

My dick.