Humor
Best joke ever.
School teacher: "Hey kid, why don't you just go home to your family?"
Orphan: "My family never came back for me."
School teacher: "Your daddy must've really needed that milk."
Why isn't Stephen Hawking going to heaven?
Because he's British.
Why is the blind kid popular?
He can't see the middle fingers.
Wife: (on phone) Hi. Husband: Hey, I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
No more horny
What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.
Uranus? More like urine is gassy! (Uranus is urine, by the way.)
What do cannibals call a person that is running?
Fast food.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Queen.
Queen who?
You don't know the queen? You're crazy!
It’s like going to the orphan and telling your mama jokes.
If Bugs Bunny had Down Syndrome:
"Meeeehh, what's up, Downs?"
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Here [are] some questions firesharky:
1. What color hair do u have?
2. What[s] MY parents['] names? What hospital [were] u born in?
3. What state [were] u born in?
Do not say I don't know.
Foreplay in may areas: "You awake?"
Way down South: "You awake, mom?"
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
I look at your bro.
And all I can see is the real definition of *"Lack of Grace!"*
Subway trying to commemorate 9/11: CRASH INTO SUBWAY THIS SUBTEMBER 11TH TO GET 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR ONLY $9.11, THAT'S 2 FOOTLONG SUBS FOR $9.11 AND WATCH THEM FALL... INTO YOUR MOUTH!
Q: What did the Iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.