Humor

An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.

Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.

When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

What's the difference between a cactus and a school bus?

On a bus all the little pricks are on the inside.

Ashley said to me one day, "What is my name?"

And I said, "My name is everyday life of stupidity."

Is depression sadness or happiness? I call it a fun time.

My puns are awesome, pure gold.

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff? Neither did I til I seen his Head and Shoulders on the dashboard.

How did the blind girl get a date?

She said it was love at first sight.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he wanted to get to the other side. LOL.

A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.

She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"

My mom told me a joke about boxing.

I guess I missed the punch line.

Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?

To keep its nuts dry.

What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.

If sex before marriage is a sin, is sex after marriage cos or tan?

What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?

A pot-hole.

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

The only joke here is the topic.

What did the American say to the Russian?

"Why are you always Russian?"

I gave up hope and I liked it!!

I take meds to feel fantastic! (I kissed a boy{but fed up lyrics})