Humor

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!

What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?

Quatro Sinco.

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

For sale: Dead canary.

Not going cheep.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone-appetit!

Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.

I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"

How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."

I shot her, now we wait.

For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

what do you call a terrorist attack in india?

a wednesday.

Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?

Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.

Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"

Confucius say:

"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."