God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1 ply toilet roll
Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?
Because the teacher said she missed all her periods
I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great but when I tell them to others they tend to crash and burn
Orphan-why can’t I watch a pg movie
Me-they are Parental guidance
I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time I'd give your mom a coat hanger.
Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract." Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me*
“What do you call my friend group?* *Suicide Squad*
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls
What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?
The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!
Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it's okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.
"Don't worry! Life goes on" "Yeah that's what's had me worried"
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? People are dying to get in.
This is NOT my joke i found it on google its a texting joke Mom:Son youre grandma just passed away LOL Son:mom what do you mean LOL that means laughing out loud Mom:oh no i thought that meant lots of love i have to text everyone back!!!!
What's the problem with 9/11 jokes? They are just two plane
Autistic jokes have been very popular recently, in other words, I’ve been very popular recently.
DISCLAIMER! MY COUSIN TOLD ME THIS:
"I for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. Its been awhile since we had a presidential assassination."
i ate to many temmie flakes... i guess i got a TEMMIE ACHE!!!!
Gf- You are a drug. Bf- Why cause you are addicted to me? Gf- No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana.
