Humor

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

For sale: Dead canary.

Not going cheep.

Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone-appetit!

I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"

How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

Confucius say:

"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."

My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."

I shot her, now we wait.

For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏

Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?

Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.

Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"

what do you call a terrorist attack in india?

a wednesday.

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time, I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?

A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

Suicide squad.

Can February march? -- No, but April may.

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jill's real name is Randy.

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.