Humor

When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?

What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?

Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.

What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?

Toothpaste.

Enough with the Nazi jokes.

They make me führeious!

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.

Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.

Because it would cut itself.

What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?

Quatro Sinco.

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"

So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?

Bone-appetit!

Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"

Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.

How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.