Humor

I'll never forget my sister's last words. "Is it edible?"

How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.

Did anyone get my joke? It probably flew over your heads, oops I meant through.

I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin and whispered, "Whose late now?"

Confucius say:

"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."

The image shows a split view. The top part features a woman with paint on her face and hair, lying on her back. Below, there is a picture of four Teletubbies from an upward angle, against a sky background. Text overlay reads, "YOUR CHILDHOOD" above the woman and "IS NOW RUINED." below the Teletubbies.

My therapist said: "Time heals all wounds."

I shot her, now we wait.

For boys, life is a lot like a penis: simple, soft, straight, relaxed, and hanging freely......... then a woman makes it really hard.😩😉😏

Why did the girl rage badly when she got an D- on her essay?

Because the teacher said she missed all her periods.

Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"

Q: What did the cannibal shout when his friend fell on the floor?

A: "FIVE SECOND RULE!"

What do you call a group of depressed kids?

Suicide squad.

Can February march? -- No, but April may.

I told someone some jokes, y'know? "Fruit Ninja," "barcode legs," "French puppet thigh wrings." And she was like saying that's not cool and stuff. So she reported me, and it was like:

The counselor: "So I've heard you've been making sh jokes?" Me: "You say it like it's a bad thing." Her: "It is." Me: "Chill bro, it ain't that deep. Don't worry I'll end it :)"

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jack could eat her candy. But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of c*** because Jill's real name is Randy.

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

Why did the family get mad at the boy for eating at the funeral?

While trying to season his food, he mistook his cremated grandfather for salt.

What type of people think rape jokes are funny?

Only the coolest people in the world! I fucking love you guys 😂

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

If you are ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."