Humor
What time is bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.
To all of you making jokes about orphans, it’s all fun and games until both of your parents leave you.
LMFAO (my parents left me and it’s not the funniest thing ever)
Why do orphans like belts?
They remind them of their father.
What is the point of buttchins?
To catch flies.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde girl?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
Hahah, funny joke!
What do you call the midget sea?
A pond.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite type of car on fire? Hot wheels.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"
Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"
My grandfather had the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Beast joke ever: my life... Oh wait, I don't have one.
Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.
TommyInnit is a joke.
Do you know Candice?
"Candice balls" fit in yo mouth.
We should stop the orphan jokes. The parents will get mad.
A girl named Ranch went to the store and stayed there. Why? Because she was ranched!