Humor
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
What was the last thing that went through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.
What happens when animals do a squat?
It doesn't become pretty...
What candy loves shooting stars? Starbursts!
Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.
The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"
"Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."
I didn't get the joke at first, then it hit me like a plane.
What do McDonalds and priests both do?
They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!
Wanna hear two short jokes and one long one?
joke, joke, jooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooke.
Don't touch my bot.
Why is it easy to weigh fish?
Because they have their own scales! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
What happens when you kick a boy in the balls?
THEY NUTS ARE IN PAIN.
Walk up to an emo and say, "I like your cuts G."
Your mom gay.
I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.
Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.
I guess age is just a number, but in your boyfriend's case, a personal preference.