Humor
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
I don’t like to tell school shooter jokes because they are usually aimed at a younger audience.
All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.
When I try to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To Mario.
So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"
Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.
...
I guess her rubber broke too.
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphan's parents?
The clock actually comes back around.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
Why is there no phone in China?
Too many wings, too many wongs; might wing wrong number.