Humor

It's only rape.

If she finds out.

Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.

So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.

Teacher: What does a pig give you?

Little Johnny: Bacon.

Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

Little Johnny: Wool.

Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".

What’s the difference between jail and my basement?

Some people are let out of jail.

Where did Sarah go after the bombing?

Everywhere. 💀

Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"

Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."

Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."

Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."

What do you call a blind German?

A not see.

What do you call a private nun?

Nun-o-yo-business.

What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?

Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.

When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"

A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.

Like this if you laughed.

These orphan jokes would leave them crying to their mommies if they had any.

I made a website for orphans. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a home page.

Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.

Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.

Why do orphans love boomerangs? Because they come back. (Clearly someone didn't come back with the milk)

Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him go big or go home, he only had one option.

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan? Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

Hope you had fun reading this! My friend and I laughed reading all of em!

Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"

Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"

Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."

I read a book on anti-gravity...

It was impossible to put down.

What is a Mexican’s favorite band?

Twenty Juan Pilots.

God said, "Let there be light." Chuck Norris said, "You have to say please first."

What does a kid and wine have in common?

Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!