Dark Humor

*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

Person 1: "...."

Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

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  • Wheelchair

    What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you?

    Take her wheelchair, she'll come crawling back.

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  • Car

    A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.

    Memes

    Book

    I read a book on anti-gravity...

    It was impossible to put down.

    Cellar

    What does a kid and wine have in common?

    Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.

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  • Orphan

    Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?

    It can't hit home.

    President

    What is the difference between the President of Ukraine and the President of the United States?

    The President of Ukraine is a comedian, and the President of the United States is a joke!

    9/11 jokes

    I think Paul Walker and 9/11 jokes are great, but when I tell them to others, they tend to crash and burn.

    Suicide Squad

    Me: *Meets girl, starts to form crush* Me after I get enough courage to talk to her: “Are you a casket lid because I want you on top of me?”

    “What do you call my friend group?” “Suicide Squad.”

    Cow

    What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?

    A milkshake.

    Asian man

    An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.

    The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."

    The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."

    Family Secret

    Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."