Humor

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

Q: What's the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?

A: Stoners have papers.

Autistic jokes have been very popular recently. In other words, I've been very popular recently.

How did the Shaggy defense become successful for JD Vance?

He was not banging on the sofa. Rather, he was banging the sofa!

Why do short people laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?

A meltdown.

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.

Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.

I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.

He couldn't stand a chance.

What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?

Returning to the scene of the crime.

Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?

Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

Enough with the Nazi jokes.

They make me führeious!

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?

Toothpaste.