Indian guy

My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.

Donald Trump

Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?

Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!

Wheelchair kid

My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."

Memes

Kid

A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?

The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.

Suicide

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

Life

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

Dad

What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.

Last Word

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

Forehead

Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.

Woman

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

A field of cotton waiting to be picked.

Friend

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

Dirty Joke

You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.