Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?
Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!
Humor
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?
Toothpaste.
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
Enough with the Nazi jokes.
They make me führeious!
Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.
What do you call a bus full of transgender men? T-Mobile.
A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
What do you call 4 Mexicans stuck in quick sand?
Quatro Sinco.
You want to hear a dirty joke? Jonny played in the mud. You want to hear a clean joke? Jonny took a bath with bubbles. You want to hear a dirty joke? Bubbles was the next door neighbor.
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"
So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"
For sale: Dead canary.
Not going cheep.
Why should you be wary of stairs? -- Because they are always up to something.
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone-appetit!
