Humor
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?
A meltdown.
My wife left me for an Indian guy. I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
Memes
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
A field of cotton waiting to be picked.
Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?
Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
Enough with the Nazi jokes.
They make me führeious!
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.
Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?
Toothpaste.
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?
Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.
Why do dwarfs hate fast food restaurants? Cause most of them have medium and large.
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?