Humor Jokes

Dont worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head

Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:

"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."

You know I like my girls how I like my 9/11. Two twins that go down easy

my friend: you really need to stop the sh jokes Me: But their not that long

You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent

So. You wanna hear a joke about the wall? ...Actually nah you won't get over it

What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.

Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said “ That was the sound of the north wind. The next day his teacher asked the class “ What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”

Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids

What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father in law

Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!

You meet the guy who invented 0, what do you tell him? Thanks for nothing!

Emo girls be like- how much am I worth... Girl scan the code on your wrist

Who’s there?

To.

To who?

No, “to whom.”

Daughter: Mommy?

Mom: Hey

Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids?

Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids

Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...

Q. What's a Disabled person's favourite band A. System of of a Down's Syndrome.

What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory? Two test tickles.

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low and the cliff was non existent and now you took the poison !"