Humor

When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"

Ok, now I'm not good at telling jokes, but this one is not too bad. One cunt said to another cunt, "Do you get cold at night?"

"Fuck no, cunt," the first cunt said, "Why?"

"I have a built-in set of vertical curtains to keep the cold out, cunt!" xx

I told AI to talk dirty to me. It started describing my browser history.

- Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop.

- Right. So you weigh yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.

- Oh...that might actually be even easier.

Yo hairline so bent even Bob the Builder can’t fix it!

In this modern age, I feel as though it's inappropriate to make jokes about herbs and fish.

It's not the thyme or the plaice for it.

All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.

Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.

What did the sun say to the Earth?

"Am I hot?"

What happens when you kick a boy in the balls?

THEY NUTS ARE IN PAIN.

I told my grampa hello, and I said, "Hope you die!" hahahhhhahahahahahhahahahhahaha

I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.

It didn't land well.

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"

Knock knock. Who's there? Abajo. Abajo who? I have abajo of water with me.

What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You're looking sharp.

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

My friend told me to name a country in Africa.

So I said, "Hungry."

When's the best day to get the chair? Fry-day.

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

Me: Do you like cobble?

My friend: No.

Me: Gobble deez nuts!