Humor

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?

Breakfast in bed!

A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."

Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.

What's the second to last letter in the alphabet? Y. Cause I wanted to know.

Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"

my goofy ahh uncle

A close-up, slightly distorted image of a person's face with dark skin and plump lips. The face is stretched vertically, making it look elongated and somewhat comical.

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?

A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.

Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

A: To find Pooh!

Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.

My friend: You really need to stop the SH jokes.

Me: But they're not that long.

Don't worry if you think your life sucks. Just remember that people are arguing over the gender of a potato head.

Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:

"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."

So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?

... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.

Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.

Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in, his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said, “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said, “That was the sound of the north wind.” The next day his teacher asked the class, “What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”