Humor
What's the difference between a noodle and a scaboodle fladooodle?
So I thought about trying to eat a clock one day.
After about 13 tries, I realized this was very time consuming.
Why did the Indian man refuse to use deodorant? Because he wanted to smell like his natural habitat, the shitter.
A man saw a kid on the road, and the man asked: "Where are your parents?" The boy: "..." The man left the adoption center.
Why are skinny people skinny?
Because he don't have a family to breastfeed on.
Helicopters...
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
What do you call a skeleton's erection?
A boner.
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!
Why is drinking soda so sad?
It's soda-pressing.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
I like women's rights "jokes" because they're all facts.
Also gehen Addison, Gwen und Bradley alle in eine Bar. Dann schreien sie alle an, sie sollen aufhören, Bier zu trinken, weil sie es nicht mögen. Dann schreien sie den Barkeeper an und sagen, er solle das Bier nicht verkaufen, weil sie es nicht mögen. Die Kunden lachen sie als Paviane aus.
Was machen Addison, Gwen und Bradley? Sie kommen auf diese Seite und argumentieren, dass Witze zu gemein sind, und weil sie sie nicht mögen, stoppen sie jeden, der sie als WITZ macht. Das Ende.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma bum crack!
What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?
I beat both of them.
Why did the ground crack? Because of your mum!
Have you played the game Imagine Dragons? Imagine draggin' deez nuts!
Why did the chicken cross the road to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
I like wine how I like my woman.
4 year old locked in a basement.