Humor
"Knock knock."
Orphan: "Who's there?"
"Not your parents."
Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt-quack.
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not, and no one will know the goddamn difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, "It’s too offensive" or something like that. Goddamn just take that shit somewhere else.
If you want to get mental damage, visit the site:
https://schlechtewitze.com
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.
What do you call an abortion in a bathtub?
Chunky Tomato Soup.
What do you call a Chinese person with no legs?
Lim Ping.
You guys asked for a joke? Well, you're in luck, because you already are one!
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
People were talking and asking what's the worst day of the year for them.
Person 1: "The first day of school because I don't like going to school."
Person 2: "Valentine's day because it's too lovey."
Me: "Oh nice, mine is my birthday because it's when I was born."
When two wheelchairs hit each other, is it a fender bender?
Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?
An Asian man goes to the eye doctor.
The doctor says, "It looks like you have a cataract."
The Asian guy says, "No Doc, I drive a Rincoln."
One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"
What do you call a single bisexual?
All bi myself.
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!