Humor
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
Why was the astronaut washing her hands?
She was getting ready to eat launch.
Define abnormal life.
Waking up every day living a sane life!
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
Teacher: What's 3 minus 1? Me: I don't know. Teacher: How about this, you have three cakes, I take one. How many cakes do you have? Me: Three. Teacher: If I take one cake from your three, what do you have? Me: Three cakes and a dead teacher.
My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
I want to make a joke about Kobe, but it won't land well.
What's the problem with 9/11 jokes?
They are just two plane.
What is the definition of African-American Vienna sausages?
cocks of African-American men
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
You've probably heard this one before, but screw it.
What's the difference between Jesus Christ and the kid I just killed?
Jesus Christ probably died a virgin.
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
A field of cotton waiting to be picked.
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?
Toothpaste.
A blind woman told me I had a big penis yesterday.
I think she was pulling my leg.
Did you hear on the news that a midget psychic broke out of jail?
There is a small medium at large.
I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a ladder the other day and I thought, huh, that's a little con-descending.