Humor
What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?
An orphan's parents.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex?
A microtransaction.
What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.
What is a gun that Africa doesn't have? A water gun.
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj.
Yo mama so fat, she blocked my internet connection.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
Why wouldn’t Mr. Bee 🐝 push Ms. Bee 🐝 away?
Because he loves his honey.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.
You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.
My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."
There's four people on a roof: a Mexican, an Asian, a black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. The Asian also walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. Then, the black guy walks over to the edge and says, "This is for my people," and pushes the white guy off.
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."
What do you call an Indian gymnast? Balance Singh.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.