Humor

Yo mama so fat, she blocked my internet connection.

A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.

Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.

Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.

My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.

You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.

Why wouldn’t Mr. Bee 🐝 push Ms. Bee 🐝 away?

Because he loves his honey.

What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.

What has two wings and a halo?

A Chinese telephone. Wing-wing Halo?

What is the similarity between a joke and food?

Some people just don't get them!

Three construction workers were sitting on the bridge that they were building, having their lunch break. The first guy says, "If I get a Vegemite sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The second guy says, "If I get a peanut butter sandwich again, I am going to jump off this bridge." The third guy says, "If I get another strawberry jam sandwich, then I am going to jump off this bridge." The next day, the first guy gets a Vegemite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich, and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All three guys jump off the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals, the first wife says, "If he just told me, I would have given him a different sandwich." The second guy's wife says, "It is all my fault. If only I knew." The third wife says, "I don't get it, he makes his own lunch."

There's four people on a roof: a Mexican, an Asian, a black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. The Asian also walks over to the ledge and says, "This is for my people," and jumps off. Then, the black guy walks over to the edge and says, "This is for my people," and pushes the white guy off.

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.

I finally stopped drinking for good.

Now I purely drink for evil.

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.

Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?

It doesn’t hit home.

What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."

I would tell you a milk joke, but it's whey too cheesy!

What's the same with a toilet and anal sex? Your ass gets numb after a while.