Humor
How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?
"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."
I didn't trip and fall... I attacked the floor, and I believe I am winning :3
A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"
Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?
Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.
Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
A dragon.
A dragon who?
The dragon gonna drag its balls across your face.
You really seem like you don't want to be laughing at that rape joke, but somewhat ironically, I'm forcing you.
My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.
There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.
Why do dwarfs do drugs?
To get high.
My friend wasn't laughing at my jokes, so I said, "Is your funny bone broken?" But he got mad, and then I said, "Do you have a bone to pick with me?" He tried to insult me, but I said, "Call me what you want, I got thick skin," and this story was down to the bone.
I told my friend an egg joke yesterday.
He thought it was eggcellent.
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
What do sperm say while just in?
"We need to go deeper."
What's an Asian orphan's surname? No Pham.
Why did the skeleton have no friends?
He was a boner!
Heheheh!
Ah, see ya soon kiddo.
I'm going on break.
I'll give you some fried snow later!
Deez nutz!
Why is 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9.