What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
What happens when Stephen hawking dies? The windows shutdown sound plays.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late, his best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure" he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?' "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul walker and no one else
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him
I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes...
I've seen too many of them get elected.
you can beat up orphans what are they gonna do, tell there parents
You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize when I did it hit me like a plane
Its all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...
she died the next morning
Sans: why didn't the skeleton not go to the party? Papyrus: because they looked like me? Sans:... Sure
I can see Uranus from here, and it's mighty gassy!
Chinese kid was born before the due date. Parents name him Sudden Lee.
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
Why are cats bad storytellers? -- Because they only have one tale.
Make this "joke" get 69 comments & 69 likes
People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.
my friend was on wheelchair......he committed suicide yesterday, I remember when i met him last time he told us a good joke and i appreciated him and i told him to become stand up comedian.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says "What should their names be?" The uncle replies "Well for your daughter, Denise" "That's a nice name" comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies "Denephew".
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher:No you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door
Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No!The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student:The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher:She drowned?!
Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
