Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
There's four people on a roof a Mexican, Asian, black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says "this is for my people" and jumps off, the Asian also walks over to the ledge and says "this is for my people" and jumps off, then the black guy walks over to the edge and says "this is for my people" and pushes the white guy off.
Here's a better version of a previous joke:
I would tell you a milk joke, but its whey too cheesy!
What is red and tan and spins for about 50mph??
A baby in a blender
Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face and he asks her "why are you rubbing that stuff on your face mother?" His mother replies "to make myself beautiful Johnny." A few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her "What is the matter? Are you giving up?"
Them: You want some Lucky Harms?
Me: What are Lucky Harms?
Them: They're Lucky charms, but instead of being magically delicious, they're magically malicious.
What is the similarity between a joke and food?
Some people just don't get them!
A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
in English class the teacher says (Teacher): Kids you need to say the alphabet ok Sally you first. (Sally): Okay a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z. (Teacher): good job Sally. Then the teacher called on 4 other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on little Johnny. (Teacher): Little Johnny say the alphabet. (Little Johnny): bcefghijklmnopsvwxyz. (Teacher): no Johnny that’s not right. (Johnny): oh I forgot u r a q t. (Teacher). No still not right and thank you. (Johnny): oh I’ll give you the d later . (Class): (laughing). (Teacher): GO TO THE OFFICE NOW .
Why done orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home
What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common? You were bloody and battered but at least you're dad came.
a skeleton goes sky diving. doesn't come back in one piece
What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
My sisters name is coco and one day she was funny so I told her you
Coconut
It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6 year olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face
What do most 50-year-old men put inside there cars
Children
