What's the difference between meat and fish?
If you beat your fish, it'll die.
Humor
A skeleton goes sky diving. Doesn't come back in one piece.
Stephen Hawking just died. Have they tried rebooting him to factory settings?
What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?
A 50-year-old piece of meat.
A 12-year-old bun.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
We shouldn't joke about rape, because rape is no laughing matter...
Unless you're being raped by a clown.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
You know some of these jokes took me 9 minutes and 11 seconds to realize. When I did, it hit me like a plane.
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...
she died the next morning.
You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen too many of them get elected.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.
Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Because they looked like me?
Sans: ... Sure.
