Humor

Steven Hawking had dark humor.

Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.

I told my friend ten puns to see what one made him laugh. No pun in ten did.

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:

If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?

A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"

I ran out of bras, so I wore...

My grandma's underpants!

What do you call an army of autistic people with guns?

Special forces.

What did the man say to his wife? "Make me a damn sandwich, woman!"

Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.

Animal jokes, eh?

Toucan play at that game.

You're probably getting tired of these gravity jokes... but I keep falling for them every time.

Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?

The quiet kid: Splosion.

Teacher: What comes after A?

The quiet kid: AK-47.

Teacher: Faints.

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..." The room was full of arm amputees.

What do you call a dear with no eyes?

I have no eye deer!

I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.

Why did the skeleton want a friend?

Because she was feeling bonely.

"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"

What's worse than five dead babies in one garbage can?

- One dead baby in five garbage cans.

What did the brother cell say when the sister cell stepped on his foot? Ow, mitosis! (my toe, sis)

How does Stephen Hawking go to the toilet? He logs out.