Humor
What does a cow say when he remembers something?
"I have deja moo!"
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
Why do I only date orphans?
Because they never have daddy issues.
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?
Fetus Deletus!
for real
Stop with the blind jokes... I don't see the point.
This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭
Why shouldn't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because they are full of ears!
Now that was a corny joke.
And yes, it was rather a-maize-ing.
A white dad, a priest, and a rabbi all run out a burning school, and the dad says, “What about the kids?” and the rabbi replies to him saying, “Fuck the kids,” and the priest says, “Think we got enough time?”
Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”
Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”
Patient: “Right around the entrance.”
Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”
My grandpa may be a pedo, but at least he slows down in the school car park.
"Waiter, my steak is too skinny."
"It's a strip steak, sir."
"At these prices, it should not only strip, but sing and dance too!"
I'm just here to say that I don't approve of political jokes.
I've seen too many of them get elected.
Sans: Wow, seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers?
A virgin.
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
Why did the bum get a slap?
Because it was being too cheeky.
What do you call a nut on a wheelchair?....A busted nut.
You want to hear some marriage jokes?
Don't worry, it's just a couple.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.