Humor
HAHAHAH! You all got April fooled in the wrong month!
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?
A: Owwww!!!!!
The man walks into a bar, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny piano player. The piano player starts playing the piano. The guy next to him asks where he got that. The man says there is a genie out on the corner granting wishes.
So the man sitting next to him jumps up and runs outside. He says to the genie, "I want a million bucks." The genie snaps his fingers, and a million ducks appear in the road. The man comes back inside and says, "Hey, that genie is a little hard of hearing." The man says, "Well, did you really think I'd ask for a 12-inch pianist?"
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?
They're both inside jobs.
My sister saved a guy from suicide last week.
She was hiking and the guy was on the ridge of a high, narrow cliff. She talked him down, but I think he was just being edgy.
Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?
Friends: What?
Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.
Ok, so my brother made this, here it is:
Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken. Chicken who? Chicken garbage!
Ok I know it makes no sense, but he made it when he was like 3.
What did the pedestrian say after he saw the twin towers fell?
JENGA!!!!
Orphan: *crying* You: Do you know where your parents are? Orphan: No. Your Friend: They don't have parents!!! You: 😂 I know.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!