Humor
Kid: What is between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise.
Kid: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.
"what's that on your wrist?"
"I'm a cutting board. duh"
I'm an orphan, lol.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
Are you enjoying my yolks? I bet they're making you crack up. If not, I better scramble.
Memes
First meme here
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)
What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?
The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
So I ran into a woman the other day who says her vaginas is like a lottery ticket. She said it's because you have to be lucky to hit it... I thought it's because she was always scratching it.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
What kind of bees make milk?
BooBees.
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.