What was Stephen Hawkins last words? System failure
*Im an orphan. lol
“what’s that on your wrist?” “im a cutting board. duh”
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke? He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
Are you enjoying my yolks. I bet there making you crack up. If not, I better scrammble
What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?
Are you ready kids?
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom. The "p" is silent.
A masquito with a Mario hat on flys on you saying it's a me malario
(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)
What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?
The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection
What's the difference between you and Hitler? Hitler knew when to kill himself.
What kind of Bees make milk?
BooBees
My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes... ...I told him to lighten up.
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
How does hitler tie his shoes?
In tiny Knotsies
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? -- Beef jerky.
