Humor
My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
Why is drinking soda so sad?
It's soda-pressing.
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Sorry you are sneezing. Have you got a cold?
A man saw a kid on the road, and the man asked: "Where are your parents?" The boy: "..." The man left the adoption center.
Why are eagles 🦅 bald? Because they don’t wear wigs.
What did the blonde say when asked if her turn signal worked?
“Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no.”
What’s black and sits on top of the stairs?
Christopher Reeves in a house fire.
I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.
"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."
"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"
Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor? Because it can't hit home.
On Paxomedy channel, I made a video of a Rooster and a dog fighting.
I needed to know why they were fighting. Once I dug down into the issue, it turned out that the Dog called the Rooster a Cock, and the Rooster laughed and called the Dog a useless Bitch, and that was the beginning of their fight, and weird enough, the Cock won!
I went to congratulate the winner, but he thought he was insulting me by calling me Zinjathropus, but I said that was a compliment because Zinja was an old skeleton found in Africa, and I am African. I said to the Rooster he shouldn't have fought with the dog just because he called him a Cock. He said that being called a Cock is a compliment, and the fighting was his exercise to toughen up for serious fights with Dogs!
What are cow jokes considered?
Cheesy.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
It's not incest if you're adopted.
Why did the ground crack? Because of your mum!
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
How do you call a cute door?
A-door-able.
Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.
What is the difference between a rock and my girlfriend?
One is rock hard, and the other is Dwayne Johnson.