Humor
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
What is the politically correct term for rabbit shit?
Raisins.
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
What do you call a joke without a punchline?
Memes
for real
Call me an escalator because I let people down.
Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.
Student: OOFT.
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents.
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
What does an orgasm and a pulse have in common?
I don't care if she has either.
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?
CUMedy.
What's the difference between an Afghan kindergarten and a military target?
The drone guy didn't know either.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Boy: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: ....ur parents.
What do jokesters eat for breakfast? Pun-cakes.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.