Humor
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
Unlike my syndrome, I keep my chin up. 🙌🏽😁
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.
Memes
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
I am disabled and I find these jokes appropriately hilarious.
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.
What is the politically correct term for rabbit shit?
Raisins.
What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.
What do you call a joke without a punchline?
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!
what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back.
Call me an escalator because I let people down.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.