Humor
What's the best part of dating a homeless girl?
You can drop her off anywhere.
One man's pet is another man's dinner.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The "p" is silent.
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
What kind of bees make milk?
BooBees.
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12.
What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?
The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.
Unlike my syndrome, I keep my chin up. 🙌🏽😁
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
I am disabled and I find these jokes appropriately hilarious.
What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious.