Humor
What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?
I don't know! I don't care!
Hello, This is Jimmy from Jimmy's Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic! Your next loss is our next sauce! How many pizzas do you need?
Why did Stephanie fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Not Stephanie!
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
Why did Hitler kill people? Because it was funny! 🥵
What pictures do orphans take? Selfies.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because there was a dad on the other side.
An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"
Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"
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Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
Stop orphan jokes!
My favorite toast for parties: May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.
What do you call a kid with a special sense of humor? Autism, hahaha!
My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"
Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.
What do you call a redneck sister who runs faster than her brothers? A virgin.
What is the similarity between an anti-joke and a clown? Neither are funny.
I don't have a joke, it's just funny reading them.
Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
Just too bitter.
Black humor is when you ask water to African people.